I had locked my front door with both the bottom and top bolt. When the door bell rang, my son ran to open the door which is his favorite, but he couldn’t open the top bolt and so got extremely irritated and started yelling. I thought, ugh, my son does not know how to open the top lock and he is almost eight years old! Similarly, I also thought why can’t my son eat with his hands, why does he always want to sit only in the front seat of the car, why doesn’t he play creatively outdoors?It was evident and I was convinced that my son needed to change in so many ways.
My son cannot open the front door bolt because I never gave him opportunities to think on his own and solve problems. So when the top bolt was locked he couldn’t figure out that he can get a chair and open it. I changed and decided not to block him when he tries something new at home and provided him an open environment where he was allowed to think and act on his own even if it inconvenienced me. After about three months, he is now able to fetch anything that is kept on the topmost shelf and open any doors, even in others houses.
My son cannot eat with his hands because when he ate with his hands, it was messy, so I taught him how to use the fork and spoon so that my life gets easier. Also, it was socially appropriate. I started letting him eat without a fork and spoon and let him mess his clothes and the floor with the food when he ate. I didn’t stop him, and he became very flexible eating any kind of food using his hands.Ironically his fine motor skills indirectly improved too.
My son insists to sit in the front seat because I thought that I should always let him do what makes him happy. I started making him sit in different places in the car changing my thinking that he needs to be flexible instead of happy and these are opportunities for him to learn to be flexible.After a few months, he was fine sitting anywhere in anybody’s car.
My son didn’t know how to play outside because every time he touched mud I stopped him because I thought his hands would get dirty. Every time he climbed a tree I stopped him, being absolutely certain that this was good for him as this would prevent him from falling and getting hurt. When he touched anything in nature I stopped him. Then how should I expect him to play? I stopped limiting him and just let him explore with anything outdoors and his play drastically changed. He began engaging himself more with nature and started playing with new ways and different ways.
Do you still think that my son needs to change?
I need to change.
I need to stop limiting my child with my own thoughts.
I need to stop limiting my child with my own experiences.
I need to stop limiting my child with my understanding of parenting.
The moment we understand that most of the time the child is not able to do many things is because we stopped them, we can open windows of opportunity at a different level to our kids
When a stream flows, the water takes its own path and moves along wherever there is an open path. It is our responsibility as a parent to keep those paths open. These are a child’s window to struggle, experience, solve and look at the world through its own perspective; which is the best perspective.